Protect You
by TheHesitantWriter
Summary: It's been a month since Olivia's attack. Brian has been a huge help in her recovery, but what about him? As he nurses her back to health, his starts to deteriorate. He's not sleeping or eating and is beginning to have nightmares, all while hiding it from Olivia. Will she figure it out? Will his secrets tear them apart? Read and find out! Sequel to "I Just Knew." Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to the sequel of "I Just Knew!" I hope you enjoyed that story and I hope you enjoy this one! I'm warning you now, this chapter is a little slow. It sets the stage for the rest of the story. Bare with it, things will all be explained later. Promise!**

Brian walked into his dark apartment and took his shoes off. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, took a long drink, and made his way towards his bedroom. He quietly opened the door, snuck in, and closed it again behind him. He looked at the woman sleeping in his bed.

Olivia was in a deep sleep in Brian's blue button down nightshirt. He watched her body rise and fall with each breath she took. Her arms were wrapped around his pillow with her head slightly on it. Most of her body was on "his side" of the bed, actually. Brian laughed sadly to himself. He knew she was trying to sleep closer to him even though he wasn't there, but he also knew it as a telltale sign she had a nightmare and wished he was there to soothe her.

It had been a little over a month since Lewis' invasion. Olivia's nightmares weren't as frequent. They happened about twice a week now instead of every night. She was still jumpy at times, but for the most part was accepting of Brian's touch. They had not been intimate yet, for she was still physically healing, not to mention emotionally and mentally as well. Neither of them had really talked about it. As far as either of them were concerned, now wasn't the time.

Brian watched her sleep for a little bit longer before he headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He was exhausted. Work seemed longer than usual tonight and he just wanted to sleep. He hated working the night shift because that's when Olivia seemed to need him the most. He always told her to call him if she had a bad dream, but she never did. She always said she didn't want to bother him while he was working. He didn't care. He was walking around the Bronx Courthouse with Greg. Who else was he going to talk to?

As he was brushing his teeth he thought back to her first night out of the hospital. Ever since then, they've been practically inseparable. He's spent every night in bed next to her. She's barely been back to her own apartment since the attack. She did go back a couple times to grab some more clothes but she has essentially been living at Brian's. He hasn't minded but does worry about her ability to be independent again. A couple days ago the two went out to buy her a completely new bed set. He figured this was the start of her reclaiming her life.

He stripped down to his boxers and grabbed a t-shirt to sleep in. Having no other option, he got into bed on what was normally "Olivia's side." He cuddled up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his forehead against her upper back. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was so tired.

"Bri?" she mumbled still half asleep.

"Yeah, Baby, it's me. I just got in from work," he whispered.

"Why are we backwards?" she asked in reference to their sleeping positions.

He chuckled a little, "You were sleeping mostly on my side, so I crawled in on yours. It's okay, just go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you," he said kissing her shoulder lightly.

He heard her sigh contently and he held her closer to him. Next thing he knew he was out like a light.

_"You really thought you were gonna save her, didn't you?" he sneered, "You thought you were going to be the hero, huh? I don't think so." William Lewis stood in Olivia's bedroom doorway with his gun in hand. He had no gunshot wounds and Olivia was still tied to the bed._

_"Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance?!" she screamed._

_"Yeah, Brian," Lewis cackled, "Why didn't you?" Brian stood there frozen. He checked his belt for his gun, it wasn't there. He checked around the room and didn't see it. His heart was beating out of his chest. _

_"Well then," Lewis said, "I guess you'll just watch me get off on your girlfriend… again."_

_"No!" Olivia screamed, "Brian! What are you doing? Help me!"_

_Brian just stood there motionless. He watched as Lewis stripped himself of his clothes and climbed on top of her. His brain screamed for him to stop this bastard but his feet were planted to the floor. He watched Lewis pound in and out of Olivia's center, each thrust earning another shriek of pain from her. _

_"Brian, help me!" she shouted, "Please make this stop! Stop, please! No! No, no, no-"_

"NO!" Brian screamed sitting up straight and startling Olivia awake.

She looked at him with wide eyes. Both of them were breathing hard. "Bri-Brian," she said, she took a breath, "What's wrong?"

He looked at her and could see the panic in her eyes. He feared he frightened her, that was when she was the most jumpy and out of sorts. He took a deep breath, "Nothing," he lied, "Nothing, I'm fine."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Then why are you all sweaty and panting? You're not fine. What happ-"

"I'm fine!" he snapped more harshly than intended. She looked at him shocked. Never in all the time they had been dating did he ever yell at her. He was usually the calmer one when they argued.

He read her expression. He sighed, "No, Olivia, I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I didn't mean to yell at you. I don't want to talk about it right now, let's just go back to sleep."

"Well, it's eight o'clock in the morning. I'm going for a run," she said clearly still upset by his outburst. "You can go back to sleep, though. I know you've only been home since four this morning." She quickly got up, grabbed a change of clothes, and walked into the bathroom.

He lied back in bed and sighed angrily. "Why'd I have to yell at her?" he thought, "What the hell is wrong with me?" He stared at the ceiling until she came out of the bathroom. She was wearing shorts and a tank top; Brian admired how nice she looked in her summer attire. She grabbed her runners and headed for the door.

She stopped and turned around to look at him. She walked back over to him and kissed his forehead, her way of letting him know he was forgiven. She knew he wasn't angry with her, just tired. "Get some more sleep, huh?" she said giving him a chaste kiss on the lips, "I'll be back in a half hour. Love you."

He smiled at her, "Love you, too," he said as he rolled over and pretended to fall back to sleep.

Part of him wanted so badly to rest but he was terrified of having another nightmare. He wondered how Olivia was able to survive with having so many horrific dreams. He then remembered that she had him. "I can't tell her," he thought to himself, "She needs me. She needs my support." He remembered what his mother had said: _this isn't about you_.

* * *

At around 8:30 Olivia came back to the apartment to find Brian up and making breakfast.

"Hey you," she said surprised, "I thought you'd still be sleeping."

He handed her a glass of water and kissed her, "Eh, wasn't really that tired anymore."

She looked at him skeptically, she knew there was more to it but she didn't want to push him right now. She gladly drank the water he gave her and reached into the fridge to grab the orange juice.

"Here you go," Brian smiled handing her the bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel he'd just made.

"Awe, my favorite! Thanks Honey," she said taking the plate and sitting down at the kitchen table. She noticed he didn't have a plate himself. "You not hungry, either?" she asked concerned.

"I ate while I was cooking," he lied, "Okay if I shower while you eat?"

"Yeah," she said with a mouth full of sandwich, "This is really good, Baby. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiled as he walked into the bathroom.

"Something's not right," Olivia thought to herself, "He probably is tired and just doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he's trying to make up for what happened this morning." Then she thought, "What _was_ that this morning?" She sighed and took another bite of her breakfast as she heard the shower turn on.

She swallowed the bite of her sandwich as she picked up her glass. "Bri, you got me worried about you, Baby," she whispered while taking a sip of juice.

**What'd you think? Please review! Don't worry, things will start to be explained more in the next chapter.**

Also, if you have a Twitter, follow me Hesitant_Writer! You'll get updates on stories and can ask me questions or pitch ideas! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Alright everyone! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update! I love all of the reviews I've gotten. You guys are the best! Enjoy this chapter!**

Showered, dressed, and with make up on, Olivia grabbed her purse and started to walk towards the door. She called to Brian, "Bri, I'm leaving for my appointment now. I'll be back in like an hour."

Brian quickly walked out of the bedroom to say goodbye to her. He never missed a chance to kiss his girl. After the attack, she rarely ever wanted kisses and he could only hold her if she asked him to. It wasn't until about a week ago that she decided touching without permission was allowed. He was a little taken aback by it at first, he was always so afraid of upsetting her. It didn't take him long to readjust, though. He had missed the feel of her; he figured she missed touching him also.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly to him. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss; she smiled against his lips.

"Okay, Baby," he said brushing a few strands of hair out of her face, "If you feel kind of lousy when you come back we can just cuddle and watch movies until I have to leave for work." He smiled at her and she returned the gesture.

"Hm, it depends on how I feel afterward, but that does sound like a plan," she beamed at him. He grinned and kissed her again, this time with a little more passion. He liked to remind her how much he loved her before she left for her appointments.

Every week Olivia went to see a therapist. Having learned from what happened at Sealview, she almost immediately went back to therapy after she was released from the hospital. Even though she knew it was helping her, she always felt nervous before she left and usually came home crying. Appointment days were always really hard for Olivia, and in turn were really hard for Brian. He tended to bend over backwards for her on days she had her therapy sessions. Well, he bent over backwards for her everyday, but even more so on therapy days.

He broke their kiss gently and rested the left side of his face on top of her head. He had his arms completely wrapped around her, holding her securely to him. He rocked them slightly side-to-side. Brian found that she took comfort in the movement.

She let her eyes drift closed. She loved and hated the hugs Brian gave her before therapy. Loved them because they relaxed her and helped her nerves. Hated them because she never wanted to leave his warm embrace. She had gotten into the practice of giving herself more time to leave because Brian always had a hard time letting her go. Anywhere she went by herself she had to allow at least five minutes for the two of them to say goodbye. Brian had become so fiercely protective of her, it was a surprise she was allowed to do anything by herself anymore.

She lightly scratched at his back a little and sighed. He knew it was time to let go. He unwrapped his arms from her body and looked at her. She leaned up to give him one last sweet kiss before she left. "I'll only be gone an hour," she said softly. She turned around and opened the front door.

"Bye Liv," he said as he watched her smile at him and close the door behind her. Brian secretly hated when she went to therapy because it always made her upset. Every time she left he would pray she wouldn't come back in tears, and every time she did. "Don't go," he thought to himself, his eyes starting to water. "Change your mind. You can skip a week. Please, don't come back crying."

* * *

"Alright, Olivia," Dr. Hartley started, "How are you today?"

"Pretty good," Olivia said, "I, uh, went for a run this morning, like how you had suggested last week. It was, um, very…helpful," she said slowly. Olivia wasn't much of a runner these days, but when Dr. Hartley had suggested running as a way to relieve stress, Olivia decided to get back into it.

"Good!" Dr. Hartley said, "How did you feel after your run today?"

"I felt," Olivia paused for a second, "I felt refreshed."

"And did Brian notice this new positive attitude?" Dr. Hartley knew all about Olivia and Brian's relationship. Olivia talked about him all the time. Frankly, both Dr. Hartley was glad Olivia had someone like Brian to support her.

"Um," Olivia thought about it for a second, "I'm not sure."

Dr. Hartley looked at her skeptically, "You're not sure? Everything okay between you two?"

Olivia sighed. She knew _they_ were fine, she just wasn't sure if _he_ was fine. "I mean," she paused, "we love each other, we're still happy together. I just have…noticed some things lately."

"What kind of things?" Dr. Hartley asked.

"Well this morning he woke up with a yell and was panting and sweating. I know he had a nightmare, he just wouldn't admit it. When I tried to talk to him about it, he snapped at me. He _never_ does that," she stated clearly.

"Hmm, how about his appetite?" Dr. Hartley asked.

"I don't think he's eating," Olivia started, "When I came back from my run he had made breakfast, but he didn't make any himself. He said he ate while cooking. I don't think he's sleeping, either. He'd only slept about four hours last night."

"Is that normal for him?"

"No, not really. He works the night shift. He comes home at around four o'clock in the morning and usually sleeps until about noon. He tries to get a full eight hours," Olivia explained.

"Did you ask him about it?" Dr. Hartley inquired.

"Yes. He said he wasn't tired anymore. I know he's lying, but I don't understand why," Olivia said.

"How do you know he's lying?"

"He always complains about how tired he is. I feel like maybe he's had nightmares before but just never said anything," Olivia explained.

Dr. Hartley looked at Olivia intently. "You're really worried about him, aren't you?" she said seriously. Olivia nodded. She loved Brian so much; she hated seeing him this way. "Well, to be honest," Dr. Hartley started, "It sounds like he has a mild form of PTSD."

Olivia looked at her surprised. "You really think so? Don't people usually show signs of that sooner than over a month after a traumatic event?" she asked confused.

"Typically yes," Dr. Hartley said, "But, I think in Brian's case, he's just a late bloomer. At our sessions each week, you tell me how supportive and loving he is to you. That's great! There's not a thing wrong with that. But because he's spent so much time helping you recover, he hasn't been focusing on himself. The shock wears off at different times for different people," she explained.

Olivia got teary eyed, "So, it's my fault?" she asked.

"That's not what I'm saying at all," Dr. Hartley said, "What I'm saying is, it was going to happen eventually, for him it just happened later. Granted, I'd have to actually speak with him to officially diagnose him. When have you noticed these changes in his behavior?"

"Well," Olivia flashed a nervous smile, "just today, actually."

Dr. Hartley put her hands up in a 'What do ya know?' fashion and said, "See, there you go. He might just be having an off day. Keep an eye on him. If you notice a continuation of the symptoms or notice any new behaviors, take note of it. We can talk more about it next week."

Olivia nodded. "That won't be difficult to do. We spend so much time together," she said smiling.

"Have you gone back to your apartment recently?" Dr. Hartley asked peering over her glasses at Olivia.

"What exactly do you mean by 'recent'?" Olivia asked.

"So I'll take that as a 'no'," Dr. Hartley laughed.

Olivia smiled sadly at her doctor. "I bought a new bed set the other day. I'm just waiting for it to come in," Olivia said optimistically.

"Fabulous!" Dr. Hartley said, "Do you think you'll be able to stay in your apartment?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment, "If Brian's with me."

Dr. Hartley sighed a little bit, "Olivia, I _know_ he's been a great boyfriend and support for you, but you've _got_ to start doing things on your own. What happens when you go back to work and he's still working as well? What happens when he can't sleep next to you every night? I'm not saying this to upset you. I just want you to think. You were so strong and independent before the incident. You can be strong and independent again. Brian can help you get there, but he can't do it for you."

Olivia's eyes were filled with tears threatening to spill over. "I know," she whispered, "I know."

Dr. Hartley looked at her sadly. "You two still planning to go on vacation for the Fourth?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

Olivia nodded, "I'm planning on going back to work once we get back," she said.

After the attack, Brian really wanted to get Olivia out of the city for a while. He figured the perfect time to do so would be around the Fourth of July. He didn't have to worry about abandoning his mother around the holiday; she was planning on being out of town with her girlfriends. So he saw it as an impeccable time to do the same thing. When he told Olivia about it, she seemed hesitant, but with a little coaxing, he got her to agree that some time away would be the best thing for her.

"That's good," Dr. Hartley said, "Do you think you'll be ready to head back to work? It's only a little over a week away now."

Olivia sighed, "I think so. I'll probably have a better idea once we get back from vacation," she said.

Dr. Hartley nodded, "Some nice time away from everything should really help you…both of you. Enjoy it."

Olivia nodded again wiping away a few stray tears. She really thought she wasn't going to cry this time, and yet again, she was disappointed. Dr. Hartley's words stabbed her right in the heart. _He can't do it for you_, she recalled.

* * *

Olivia let herself into Brian's apartment quietly. She wasn't quite ready for Brian to wrap himself around her just yet. She wanted to give herself a minute to breathe and relax. She didn't want Brian to know she had cried again at therapy. She knew how guilty he'd feel, but once Brian came into the living room and saw her, she broke down.

"Shit," he thought to himself. He walked over to her, grabbed her purse and keys, and set them down on the counter in the kitchen. He walked back over to her and pulled her into him tightly. "Shh, Sweetheart, it's okay," he said soothingly. Olivia just continued to cry. She never said much after sessions; she let her tears do the talking.

After a few minutes, she calmed down. She looked at him and sniffled, "I don't wanna watch movies. I wanna pack for our trip," she said.

He wiped her tears away and kissed her forehead. "Anything you want, Baby," he smiled. He took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

_Anything __**you**__ want, Baby,_ she noticed. "But Bri, what do _you_ want? Better yet, what do you _need_? Let me help you," she thought.

**Next chapter will probably be Bensidy on vacation. Let me know what you thought about the conversation with the therapist. I tried to make it as smooth as possible. **

**Thanks so much and PLEASE REVIEW! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know this update is long, but I'm REALLY excited about it! I'm tapping into my inner Mariska and her love of the water in this chapter. As always, read, review, and enjoy! Remember: Follow me Hesitant_Writer on Twitter!**

Brian's alarm clock began to blare at 6:00AM on July 2nd. He reached out in front of him and shut it off. He closed his eyes for a second; he could tell Olivia was still asleep by her deep breathing. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes again, this time a little more awake. He decided he would shower first so Olivia could have a little more time to sleep. He tried to get up from the bed but felt her iron grip around his waist. He smiled to himself, he'd never tell anyone, but he secretly kind of liked being the little spoon every now and again.

He tried to unwrap himself from her again, but was met with her protest. "No, Baby. Five more minutes?" she asked sleepily holding onto him tighter.

He chuckled and turned to face her. "I'm gonna go shower. I'll wake you up when I get out so you can get ready. I'll make us breakfast while you're showering," he said running his fingers through her hair.

She buried her face in his chest and groaned, she was never really much of a morning person. "Okay," she mumbled.

He kissed the side of her head, got up, and walked into the bathroom. She looked at the clock, it read 6:15AM. "He wanted to be on the road by 7," she thought. She closed her eyes for another minute and then got up and walked over to her dresser. She laid out her attire for the day, then grabbed their suitcases and placed them by the front door. She walked into the kitchen and started the coffee.

By the time the coffee was ready, Brian was out of the shower. Wearing just a bathrobe, he walked out into the kitchen to find her pouring him a cup. "Thanks Babe," he said taking a sip. He placed his mug on the counter and pulled her to him. "You excited for our trip?" he asked.

"Um," she said, "I mean, I am. But I still don't know where we're going."

He smiled. "You'll find out soon enough. You'll like it, don't worry."

"Well, I'm assuming it's somewhere on the water because you made me pack my bathing suit," she said arching her eyebrows a little.

"Maybe I just wanna see you in a bathing suit," he winked at her.

Her face fell. She wasn't quite sure she was ready for him to see her in a bathing suit. She still had yet to change in front of him. The scars from her cigarette burns had almost faded but she still couldn't help but notice them every time she looked in the mirror before showering. She really didn't want Brian to see her skin, she was afraid he wouldn't want her anymore.

"Enjoy the coffee," she said, "I'm going to go shower." She half smiled at him and walked away.

She walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She began to take off her pajamas, taking note of how her scars were doing. She looked at herself in the mirror and began to cry. "I can't do this," she thought, "Why did I agree to a vacation? God, can't I just cuddle in bed forever instead?" She looked at herself again and counted.

Twenty on her chest, abdomen, and shoulders.

Ten on each of her legs.

And five in and on her privates.

She was a mess, and didn't she know it. "Now everyone will know," she cried.

* * *

Brian pulled into the driveway of a cute little beach house in Ocean City, New Jersey. The drive had been slightly over three hours. Brian wanted to make a pit stop to grab some groceries for the four days they were planning on staying there. Olivia was confused as to why he wanted to stop until now. She looked at the house and smiled. "Bri," she said, "where are we?"

"My family owns this beach house. Mom and I usually come up here for the Fourth of July, but this year she had different plans and I didn't want to break tradition," he smiled at her.

"It's so cute!" she cooed as she climbed out of the car. She grabbed the groceries out of the backseat while Brian grabbed their suitcases. Once he got the door open, Olivia took off like a rocket exploring the house. She took note of each room, favoring the sunroom. It was a good-sized space built off of the living room. She slid the glass door open and took the small step down onto the beautiful wood flooring that was also present throughout the rest of the house. It barely had any walls; it was mostly windows so as to not obstruct the perfect view of the ocean.

Brian was in the kitchen putting away the groceries. He could see Olivia walking out into the sunroom. The house had a nice open floor plan. The living room spilled out into the kitchen. Brian's mom always loved having all the windows open; the breeze through the house was refreshing.

He smiled as he watched her. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to disturb her. It was the first time in over a month that Olivia looked truly relaxed, which was exactly what he wanted. After watching her for sometime, he made his way over to the sunroom. He made his steps heavy so she would know he was coming. She turned around beaming at him. "It's so beautiful here," she said.

"I'm glad you like it," he said pulling her into a hug, "I was hoping you would. I've got plans to bring you here again in the future." He kissed the top of her head and she rested against his chest, ear over his heart listening to it beat. He held her a little tighter, after having not been able to touch her for over a month, he couldn't get enough of her. He whispered in her ear, "Let's go for an ocean swim, huh?"

She froze. "No," she thought, "Not now. We just got here. I figured I had at least a couple more hours before this happened." She lifted her head to look at him. Carefully, she chose her next words. "Why don't we finish unpacking first?" she asked hoping he'd bite.

"Unpack what? The groceries are put away and the suitcases are the bedroom. You can't live out of a bag for a few days, princess?" he sassed at her.

"I mean, you have dressers. Why don't we use them?" she tried.

"We can unpack after, let's just cool off in the water. C'mon Liv, come out and play," he said teasingly.

She used her last resort. "I kind of wanted to see around town," she said a little disappointedly.

He looked at her, really looked at her, and then he saw it. Fear. He caressed her arms softly. "What are you afraid of, Baby?"

She looked down in hopes of hiding the tears forming in her eyes, but Brian still saw them. He pulled her close to him again and rocked her gently. He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered, "Tell me what's wrong. What's hurting you?"

She looked up at him with tears running down her face. "45," she said softly.

He looked at her confused, "45 what?"

Her lips quivered but she kept it together. "There are 45 scars on my body. All of which caused by cigarette burns," she strained to whisper; more tears fell down her face.

He brushed her tears away. "So what?" he said, "I don't care have if you have five, 45, or a 145. _You are beautiful_. You'll _always_ be beautiful, especially to me."

Her eyes watered again and she smiled at him. "Thank you, Brian. That means so much to me, it really does. This may seem selfish, but I just don't think I'm ready for you to see me yet. You might not care but," she started to cry again, "I do."

He pulled her into him again, "Shh, Baby," he said rubbing circles in her back, "It's okay." After a brief minute, she started to settle down and looked up at him. He leaned forward and lightly kissed her. "C'mon," he said taking her hand, "we need a little fresh air."

He led her out of the sunroom and onto the adjoining deck. The sun felt good on Olivia's skin and the breeze helped soothe her. Brian led her off of the deck and towards the ocean. He stopped them at about ten feet away from the water. He wrapped his right arm around her and pulled her to him using his left hand to caress her arm.

"I wanna tell you something," he whispered to her.

She looked up at him, "Tell me what?"

He took a deep breath. "There's a reason I brought you here," he started slowly, she nodded at him, encouraging him to continue, "When I was growing up, my Dad and I used to always come down here. At least one weekend a month in the summer, we'd leave Mom at home and have a 'guys weekend' here at the house."

"That must have been fun for you," she smiled.

He smiled back, "It was," he paused, "until I was 16."

She frowned at him a little. "What do you mean?"

He took another deep breath. "I had just gotten my license. I had my shit-box car all packed and ready to go. It was the last day of sophomore year. Dad and I planned on coming up here for the first weekend of summer. We decided to meet here. I left straight from school and he left straight from work." He leaned his forehead against hers. It was like he was trying to pull some strength from her to help him finish his story.

She rubbed her hands up and down his arms. "It's okay," she said, "You can tell me."

He smiled slightly at her. "He said he wouldn't be here until about seven or eight o'clock at night. Since I was leaving from school, I got here around five. I made dinner for us. When seven o'clock rolled around, he wasn't here. I figured traffic was heavy. When eight o'clock came and he still wasn't here, I began to worry. At 8:34PM on June 23, 1980, my Mom called and told me he had gotten into a car accident on the way here. He was killed instantly."

Olivia looked at him shocked. "Brian, I'm so sorry."

"The first thing I did was head home," he said, "I met my Mom at the door and we were both still in shock. I think I was throughout the whole week of services."

"That's normal," she said, "Baby, don't blame yourself."

Brian felt bad he was purposely ignoring her comments, but he needed her to hear what he was trying to say. She needed to understand. "I realized I had left most of my stuff here. After the funeral I came down to grab it. I walked into the house and I swore I could feel my Dad's presence. I walked down to the water and put my feet in. It was weird, I felt closer to my Dad in that moment than I had in the entire week of celebrating his life. It was like he was waiting for me to come back, like he would never miss one of our weekends together no matter where he was." Tears stung his eyes. He looked at her and saw her tears, too.

"Brian, I'm sorry," she said.

"It wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault."

She looked at him confused. "Now you've lost me," she said.

"A tragic thing happened to me, it wasn't anyone's fault. There was nothing I could have done to change it. A tragic thing happened to you, it wasn't your fault. The person who was at fault is dead now, as he rightfully should be. But there was nothing you could have done differently." She looked at him intently; he could tell she was still lost.

He continued, "But sometimes accepting it wasn't your fault isn't enough. I came here that night and realized water heals. There's just something about it. It washes your wounds and takes away your problems with the tide. I was devastated when I lost my Dad, but I put my feet in the water and I knew I was going to be okay. A horrible thing happened to you, but I swear, if you put your feet in that water," he said pointing to the sea, "you'll be okay."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. He took a step away from her still holding her hands. He brought them up to his lips and kissed them. "You can do it," he said, "No bathing suit required."

She took a second to look at the water. She took a deep breath and let go of his hands. She began the short walk to the sea. She reached the edge and closed her eyes for a second wanting to feel the sun on her face. She opened her eyes again and stepped forward. The cool water felt so good on her hot feet. She continued walking until the water reached half way up her calves. She put her arms straight out on either side of her and took in the breeze.

Brian watched her in awe. He gave her time to take in the sun, sand, and water. He could tell she felt better already. She turned around and faced him. He walked towards her noticing her smile as he did. When he reached her, she held his face in both her hands and kissed him passionately. He wrapped his arms around her waist and ran his tongue along her lips asking for entrance to her mouth. For the first time in over a month, she accepted. She wrapped her arms around his neck never wanting the kiss to end. She had missed him so much. She had forgotten how much she liked kissing him. She could honestly kiss Brian for hours.

Eventually the two needed to come up for air. They broke apart and rested their foreheads together, smiling at each other. Olivia felt renewed; Brian was still in a happy shock from the kiss she'd just given him. She rested her forehead in the crook of his neck and breathed him in. She felt so relaxed, for a while she was convinced she'd never feel this happy again.

She picked her head up and looked at him. She smiled and said, "I think I'm gonna go put my bathing suit on now."

**So I know I didn't mention Brian's potential PTSD in this chapter, but it's coming up. Promise! I hope you still enjoyed this update regardless! Please review! You guys are the best. If you have any comments or questions, you can also contact me Hesitant_Writer on Twitter! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It's here! It's finally #SAVEBENSON day! I hope you're excited! I know I am! Here's another chapter of the "forgotten story." I hope you enjoy it! As always read, review, and enjoy! You can always contact me on here or at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter!**

Olivia looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't decide how she felt. It was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. She had lost weight over the last month and loved how her bathing suit fit on her, she appeared much more lean and toned. The only problem was her scars were still noticeable, at least to her.

She adjusted the top of her purple monokini. It fit her perfectly. It wasn't too revealing, but the sides of the suit were open with a little gold chain linking the front and back together. There were also gold accents on the straps of the suit at the top. She loved the way the purple and gold looked against her skin. She grabbed her sheer white sarong and tied it around her hips. She wanted Brian to see most of her, but still wanted to leave a little to his imagination.

She took her hair out of its clip and tossed it back and forth a little. The salty sea air and clip helped her locks get a little curl to them. Once they settled onto her shoulders she took one last look at her self. She took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. She knew Brian would be waiting for her, already in his suit, in the bedroom. Holding the clothes she was previously wearing in her other hand, she opened the door. Slowly she walked into the bedroom. Brian was sitting on the bed looking at something on his phone. Feeling her presence, he looked at her and his eyes grew wide. "Wow," he said in awe.

She smiled at him nervously, "You like it?"

He stood up and walked over to her, "Yeah!" he said taking her clothes from her hand and haphazardly throwing them onto the bed. He pulled her close to him. "You look beautiful, Baby," he said.

"You really think so? I wasn't sure with this suit because the sides are open and-"

"Liv, Liv," Brian soothed rubbing his hands up and down her arms, "It's perfect, you're perfect." He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. "C'mon," he grazed his thumb against her cheek, "Let's go frolic in the ocean!" he said playfully.

She smiled as he grabbed her hand and led her outside. Brian kicked off his flip-flops next to a nearby beach chair. Olivia did the same. She stood there a little awkwardly and played with the sarong in her hands. Brian looked her and smiled softly. He walked over to her, rested his hands on her hips, and kissed her cheek. "I know this is hard for you," he whispered in her ear, "but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much."

She smiled softly at him and said, "I love you, too, Brian. You've been so good to me, you have no idea how much I appreciate it."

They gazed at each other for a second longer and next thing Olivia knew, the sarong was off. Brian held it in his hands while wearing his best shit-eating grin. Olivia's mouth fell open and she huffed a little. She wasn't entirely impressed by Brian's "trick." He threw the sarong onto the beach chair next to them. He looked her up and down and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She eventually laughed, "C'mon, let's get in the water."

"One more kiss?" he pouted.

She smiled at him and leaned in. Just before their lips touched, she stopped. "You gotta catch me first," she whispered and took off for the water.

* * *

It was early evening and their first day of vacation was coming to an end. Brian figured tonight would be a good night to keep things low key. They were tired from traveling that morning and all of the time spent in the sun that afternoon. He had plans to take Olivia out on a nice date tomorrow night and then the night after that was the Fourth. Tonight would be their only chance to walk around the town and get a drink somewhere.

They had just finished up dinner and Olivia was washing some of the dishes when Brian walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She noticed that he hadn't eaten much that evening. He hadn't eaten much at lunch, either. She made a mental note to watch him; she feared he was losing weight. Olivia giggled as his fingers scratched lightly at her stomach. Brian smiled and rested his face against the side of her head. He whispered in her ear, "Why don't we go walk around town tonight?"

"Sounds good," she said, "I'll be done in a few minutes and we can go."

"Well, I was also thinking-" he began.

"Mhm," she hummed skeptically.

"I know you're tired, but when we come back we could sit in one of the beach chairs and look at the stars," he suggested hopefully.

"Maybe," she said slowly. Brian rolled his eyes. If he had learned anything in the last year, it was that whenever Olivia said, "Maybe," she might as well be saying no. He picked up it rather quickly, actually.

"You, _do_ know what stars are right?" Brian asked jokingly, "C'mon, Liv, you're a city girl. How often do you get to see stars?"

"Did you know that by the time you see a star it's probably already dead? It's long exploded into dust in outer space," she retorted rinsing off the silverware she'd just washed.

"C'mon," he whined, "I'm not asking you to shoot someone's dog. I'm asking you to sit outside with me, listen to the waves, and watch the damn stars," he said slightly annoyed.

"Alright, alright, Bri. I'll watch the 'damn stars' with you," she imitated him. Olivia pretended to be aggravated when in reality she was looking forward to the evening. Watching the stars sounded perfect to her, she just liked to push Brian's buttons a little considering he _never_ wanted to do the things she did.

She reached for the towel and as she dried her hands off, she turned in Brian's arms. "Let me just grab my purse," she said softly.

He leaned down and kissed her gently, it was his way of thanking her for going along with his plans, "Alright, let me just lock the place up and we'll go."

* * *

As the happy couple walked down the boardwalk Brian noticed that Olivia was getting some looks from some of the other men. Instantly getting jealous, he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's waist and kissed the side of her head. Olivia, not noticing that men were staring at her, looked at Brian surprised.

"What was that for?" he asked sweetly.

"I just love you," he said. He didn't want her to know he got jealous. Olivia didn't take "the jealous boyfriend" routine well. She typically got insulted when her boyfriends got jealous. She wasn't the cheating type and she certainly wasn't easy to love. She would never leave Brian for a random guy gawking at her on the street, and he knew that. He just couldn't help his instinctive reaction.

"Oh, so, it has nothing to do with the guy staring at me from across the street?" she asked surprising him.

Knowing he'd been caught, Brian stopped, "Don't get mad, alright? I want tonight to be fun."

She laughed, "C'mon!" she said pulling on his hand. Brian noticed how carefree she seemed tonight. If they were back in New York, she definitely would have been pissy about his display of jealousy. He was hoping this vacation was helping her, it already seemed like it was.

They walked a little further down the boardwalk and she stopped them in front of this little bar called, "Mayday." It wasn't very busy and seemed pretty low key. It was definitely Olivia's type of bar.

They walked in and were seated at a table for two and ordered their drinks. The place was busy. There were many decorations hanging all around the small place. Every time Olivia looked up at the ceiling she noticed something else.

"Not really a theme here, huh?" Brian asked.

"Hmm, not really," she said, "But it's cute and it's not super busy. I didn't want to deal with that tonight."

Brian nodded and held her hand in his. "So what do you think of the town so far?"

She smiled, "It's nice! I'm glad you got me to come, Bri. I think I really needed this time away."

"I know you did," he chuckled, "It's not a state secret, Babe."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever. You were right." She almost bit her lip after finishing her last sentence. She never admitted when Brian was right, mostly because as far as she was concerned, he never was. She knew she was in for it now.

"I'm sorry," he said feigning surprise, "Can you say that again? I didn't get it on tape." He flashed her his signature grin and took a swig of his beer.

* * *

Olivia laid cuddled with Brian in one of the many beach chairs they had at the house. She adjusted the blanket that lay over them and sighed happily. Brian's fingers gently ran through her hair.

"See? I told you it wouldn't be that bad," he whispered, kissing the side of her head.

"I already said you were right once tonight, don't push your luck," she joked.

He laughed and held her closer. He could feel her completely melt into him. He rubbed lazy circles into her back and she wrapped her arms around his waist tighter. She felt like she couldn't get closer to him that night.

They continued to lay in the comfort of each other's embrace for a while longer. They shared a bottle of wine as they looked up at the stars. For the first time in a while, Olivia was at peace. The waves, the breeze, the stars, and Brian all made her happy. She couldn't wipe the smile she had plastered on her face if she tried.

She picked her head up to look at Brian. "Thank you," she said, "For today, for making me come here. I'm really enjoying myself. I feel so much better already."

He smiled at her and brushed some hair from her face. "You're welcome, Baby. I knew you needed this time," he said, "But, today's not over yet," he winked at her.

She looked at him, clearly confused. "What do you have up your sleeve?"

He smiled and grabbed the empty wine bottle and wine glasses. "C'mon," he said, "It's time to move this party inside." He stood up and held out his hand for her. He walked them both back into this house.

Once inside, Brian put the dirty glasses in the sink and put the empty bottle on the table. He walked over to the little boom box his mother liked to keep in the living room and turned it on. The song, "A Thousand Years," by Christina Perri came on. Brian knew this song was Olivia's favorite. He remembered the first time he heard it.

_Brian was driving him and Olivia back from dinner out one night and "A Thousand Years," by Christina Perri came on the radio._

_"Oh!" Olivia said, turning up the volume, "I love this song!"_

_Brian gave her a sideways glance, "You serious right now?" he said reaching over to the dial._

_She slapped his hand away quickly, "Yes," she said, "I am. This is my favorite song and I want you to listen to it."_

_"Why?" he almost whined._

_"Because," she said, "It's our song. Bri, just listen to it for a little bit. You'll get what I'm saying."_

_Brian kept quiet for Olivia's sake, but as time when on, he found himself really listening to the lyrics. Every time the song reached its chorus, Brian couldn't help but smile. He knew why Olivia wanted him to listen to the song. They had both loved each other for years, and they would continue to love each other for many years to come._

_Brian pulled the car into her parking garage for the night before the song had ended. Olivia went to open her door, but Brian stopped her. He gently took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips. She smiled at him. She knew he really listened to the song. He understood it's meaning._

_"This is our song," he said._

_"I know," she smiled._

_He gave her a look, "What'd you already pick it out for our wedding someday?" She gave no response. "Oh my God," he said, "You did pick it out!" He wasn't upset; he actually found it pretty funny._

_Olivia immediately went on the defensive, "No, I didn't!" she said, "Bri, we haven't even talked about marriage. Why would I pick out a song? C'mon now." He could tell she was somewhat irritated._

_He smiled at her and rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of her hand, "Because," he said, "if I'm ever lucky enough to marry you, I want this to be the song we have our first dance to."_

_Her heart completely melted. "Okay," she said weakly as tears filled her eyes. Instead of letting them fall, she leaned forward and sealed the deal with a kiss._

Once Olivia realized what song was playing, she smiled. She remembered the first time she made him listen to it. She was surprised at how fast he had taken to it. She really thought it would take her more work. She watched as Brian walked closer to her and held her in his arms. He began to gently sway them to the music. Olivia rested her head against his shoulder and breathed deeply. Suddenly, the music stopped. Brian stopped moving and looked at the boom box questioningly.

"Of course," he said. He made his way over and opened the CD player. The CD he had burned the song onto somehow got horribly scratched. "Great," he muttered to himself.

Olivia felt bad for him. He really tried hard tonight. She knew Brian wasn't super affectionate, neither was she, but he had his moments where he really knocked her off her feet. Sometimes she couldn't believe she was really dating Brian Cassidy. She hated to see all of his hard work go to waste.

She reached out and grabbed his elbow gently. "It's okay, Babe," she said, "We can still dance. We don't need music," she smiled.

He smiled at her and let her lead him back out to the middle of the living room. He looked at her as he began to sway them again. "I just wanted it to work. It wasn't like I was asking for much. I just wanted everything to be nice for you," he said sadly.

She lightly touched his cheek, feeling the scruff of his 5 o'clock shadow. "It was nice, Bri. It was wonderful, thank you."

He held her closer as they continued to slow dance. Next thing Olivia knew, Brian was humming their song. She giggled, "You're a terrible singer."

"I know," he smiled, kissing her forehead, "but I like this song."

**A/N: So, I know this chapter wasn't super exciting and it was kind of filler, but the next chapter will get better! Promise! Hope you guys still enjoyed! Please REVIEW! You can also contact me at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: What'd you think of the premiere!? Benson saved herself. She's so badass. Here's another chapter! As always, read, review, and enjoy! You can contact me on here or at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter!**

**I own nothing.**

_Brian raced up the stairs to Olivia's floor. Her screams and cries echoed throughout her whole building. They made their way into his ears and wouldn't leave. The noise grew and grew until he almost couldn't take the constant sound of his girlfriend's shriek any longer. _

_Pushing himself through the massive headache that was starting to form, he finally got to her floor. He ran down the hall. He kept searching for apartment 4E but couldn't find it. Every other apartment door was there, in order, but Olivia's door was missing. He could hear screams coming down the length of her floor. He looked down the hall and saw what looked like an attic door. He ran down the hall and grabbed the string. He pulled on it so hard he almost ripped it out of the door. He hastily ran up the stairs. Olivia's screams got louder and louder. Tears ran down his face as his breath left him. The stairs seemed endless. He willed his legs to keep running, that eventually he would get to the top. He needed to keep moving, for Olivia's sake._

_Finally, out of breath, Brian reached the top. It took him a second to realize where he was. He blinked a couple times and shook his head._

_He was in his apartment. _

_Olivia was tied to a chair in his kitchen and Lewis was standing over her, branding her skin with a set of keys. _

_Brian grabbed his gun, aimed, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. He, somehow, was out of bullets. Olivia looked over at him, tears streamed down her face. She gave him an apologetic look. She knew they were done._

_Lewis turned around and sneered at Brian. He raised his gun, aimed at Brian's head._

_"Welcome home, Officer."_

Brian woke suddenly, sweat pouring down his face. Another nightmare startled him from a peaceful sleep. He looked over at Olivia to make sure he didn't wake her as well. When he saw she was still in a deep sleep, he relaxed. He lied down on his back. He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself. He felt Olivia roll over to face him and he feared she had woken up.

Once she rolled over, she instinctively grabbed onto Brian and scooted closer to him in her sleep. He laughed to himself. "That's why you're always latched onto me in the morning," he thought to himself. Her presence instantly calmed him. It was like she knew he was in distress and needed her comfort. He kissed her forehead, which lay on his chest and wrapped his arms around her. He held her close to him for a few minutes until he felt her start to stir. He ran his fingers through her hair as a means of soothing her back to sleep. Despite liking the feeling of his fingers in her hair, she continued to slowly wake up. This time instead of rolling over again, she opened her eyes, realized where she was, and kissed Brian's chest.

"Morning," she whispered into his skin.

"Morning, Baby," he replied. His fingers were still running slowly through her hair. He loved how silky it was. He also knew how much she appreciated him playing with her hair in the morning.

"Why are you up so early?" she said, glancing at the clock. It was four in the morning. She feared he had another nightmare.

"I don't know," he lied, "I just woke up." He rotated in her embrace so he was on his side, facing her. "If we try real hard, we can fall back to sleep for a couple more hours," he said as he ran his hand up and down her arm.

Knowing he was lying and not wanting to make a big deal of it at the moment, she cuddled into his chest and closed her eyes. Before falling back to sleep, she asked, "What are our plans for today?"

"I just figured we'd lounge on the beach and swim. We'll keep it casual during the day. I got big plans for us tonight," he said happily.

"Mm, sounds fun," she yawned sleepily.

Brian chuckled, cradling her closer to him. He needed to feel her warmth. He needed to be sure she was still with him and that she wasn't going anywhere. He heard her deep breathing begin again. Her back rose and fell under his embrace. He closed his eyes and tried to doze off with her.

Sleep never returned to him.

* * *

Brian stuck to his word and the couple stuck to their plans. The day was spent swimming and laying in the sun. Olivia seemed to really enjoy herself, which made Brian happy. He knew this vacation was good for her. He was also glad she seemed to feel the same way.

Brian had plans to take Olivia out for a nice dinner that night. He wanted tonight to be special. He knew how hard the last month was for Olivia and how emotionally drained she was. He wanted to really treat her tonight.

He was standing in the kitchen, sipping on a glass of water, waiting for her to emerge from the bedroom. She always took longer than him to get ready, he was used to waiting for her at this point. "C'mon, Liv. Let's go, I'm starving!" he called to her.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she finished styling her hair with hair spray. "I'm almost done," she called back, "Literally another ten seconds." She put the can of spray down and looked at herself one more time. The yellow sundress she chose to wear was perfect. It wasn't too dressy but wasn't too casual, either. It had a nice V-neck to show off her cleavage, and a cute yellow sash to go around her slim waist. She matched it with a pair of nude wedges, she wanted to have some height, but didn't want to be taller than Brian.

She grabbed her evening purse and walked out of the bathroom. When she walked into the kitchen she saw Brian standing by the sink looking out the window. When he heard her come he turned around. He smiled brightly at her, "Look at you!" he said walking toward her and kissing her cheek. "This, was _definitely_ worth the wait," he said checking her out.

"Stop gaping at me," she giggled, "I'm getting self-conscious."

"So you won't be doing me the pleasure of walking in front of me the whole night?" he winked at her.

"Nuh uh, I expect you to be escorting me," she said holding out her hand for him to take.

He gave it a gentle squeeze, "Gladly," he smiled and kissed her.

* * *

Once Brian parked the car in a nearby lot, the two got out and walked hand in hand toward the restaurant. Olivia gazed at the town and fell in love. It was cute, but lively. It gave her the serenity she needed but still had a New York feel to it. "This is heaven," she thought, "I could stay here forever."

"Earth to Olivia Benson," Brian said. She looked at him confused. "This is our stop. C'mon, we can look at the ocean after dinner…or on the walk home…or at home. You've actually been staring at it all day. Share the wealth, huh?" he teased.

"And what? Stare at you?" she joked back.

He looked at her stunned. "I mean, I'm not _that_ hard to look at," he said sarcastically.

She laughed, "Eh, I guess not." He pretended to be hurt by her comment but soon pulled her closer to him. She winked at him and he leaned in for a quick kiss. He knew Olivia wasn't much for PDA. He pulled back and smiled at her, took her hand, and led her inside the restaurant.

Once they were seated, their waitress came over and took their drink orders, they were grazing the dinner menu when Brian spoke up, "What looks good to you, Baby?"

Olivia continued to read the menu. "Hm, the salmon sounds good. You looking at the steak?" she asked.

He laughed, "Yup!" he closed his menu quickly, "You can order for both of us then," he smirked.

She rolled her eyes. "Order your own steak, Cassidy," she answered dryly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he started, "we not on a first name basis anymore?"

She winked at him. "You can call me Detective."

Brian smiled at her. He could feel his desire starting to fill his pants. He panicked slightly. "No, that's not what tonight is about," he thought to himself, "She's not ready. You're not ready. Get it together." He repositioned himself in his seat hoping he would soften again.

A few minutes later the waitress came back over and took their dinner orders. Once she left, Brian took Olivia's hand. He rubbed small circles with his thumb into the back of her hand. She looked up at him, the candle on the table made her eyes sparkle. "You look really beautiful tonight, Liv."

She smiled brightly at him. "Thank you, Brian," she said.

"So I was thinking…" he started.

"That's dangerous," Olivia teased.

He smiled, "What's got you being so fresh? You know, I kind of dig fresh…"

She giggled, "I know."

"Woman, you're killing me. Anyways, like I was saying, I was thinking that if you like it down here so much, we could come more often."

"Mm, I would like that," she said in a husky voice. She crossed her legs under the table and rubbed the top of her foot on the outside of his calf. She could see his eyes darken and laughed to herself. She knew what she was doing…and what it was doing to Brian. She felt bad for starting to tease him this early, but frankly she couldn't help herself. She wanted it too, bad.

"We can skip dinner if you want," he suggested. He was nervous about what was happening but figured it was okay considering she had initiated it. He had no plans of pushing her farther than she was willing to go. He certainly didn't want her to feel like she had to do it because she was scared to lose him. He meant what he said her first night home, he wasn't going anywhere. The only way he was ever going to leave was if she got rid of him. He lost her fourteen years ago, he almost lost her again a month ago, he couldn't lose her now.

Not when he was so obviously in love with her. She was his entire world.

She gazed into his aroused eyes and said, "Um, I really want my salmon." She winked at him knowing she was torturing him. He was a man after all.

He smiled at her, "That's fine, Baby, but you, you uh, gotta let up a little. He's…eager," he said referencing his semi-hard erection. Thankfully, it was hidden by the tablecloth.

The waitress came over with their meals, as soon as she had left, Olivia looked at Brian. "We could always just eat quickly," she said pursing her lips a bit.

"Liv," he said in a low growl. She could tell he was uncomfortable and felt guilty.

She moved her leg and ran her thumb over his fingers much like he did to her earlier. She paused for a moment, "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"I'm not," he winked. His body had started to relax.

He told himself to wait until she was ready, until she gave the okay. Well…

She was ready.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I've got even BIGGER plans for the next one! Stay tuned! Please REVIEW! You can always contact me at Hesitant_Writer on Twitter! Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hope you've enjoyed the story so far. Here's the next chapter. As always, read, review, and enjoy! You can also contact me on Twitter at Hesitant_Writer.**

**I own no one. All characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.**

Brian gently backed Olivia into the wall just outside their bedroom and the guest room. He brought his hands up to cradle her face. Their lips fused again. She wrapped her hands around his waist and pulled him closer to her, pushing Brian's still clothed erection into her. They both moaned at the contact. Brian continued to kiss her as he led them into the bedroom. She was making him crazy tonight; he was surprised at how eager she was. He expected her to be more shy the first few times back in the bedroom.

Once inside the room, Olivia turned them around and pushed Brian up against the door, closing it and taking control at the same time. Her move took him by surprise. He broke their kiss and looked at her. She was working on the buttons of his shirt; her tongue was slightly out, her face in concentration. He's watched her do this many times before. When he would get out of work, he tended to go to her place still in uniform, and it never took her long to get it off him…and every time she did it, she got faster.

But there was something different about tonight. She was going so quickly, he could barely keep up. Was she really this eager? Did she really miss touching him that much? He feared the worst. "She's eager to get this over with," he thought, "This is a chore for her."

He kissed her forehead. "Hey," he whispered, "Liv, Liv."

She looked at him. Her expression was of confusion and annoyance. He caressed her arms and looked into her eyes. "Let's slow this down, huh?" he whispered softly, "We can take our time."

She smiled and moved her hips against his; he closed his eyes for a second. "We can," she whispered in his ear, "but I don't think I can wait much longer." She nibbled on his ear a little bit making him growl.

He pulled his head back to look at her. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled at her. "Okay," he said, his voice filled with desire. She reached up and fused her lips with his while successfully working his shirt off. He untied the sash on her dress and reached for her zipper. He unzipped to the middle of her back and slipped his hands in under the fabric. Her skin was so soft, softer than he had remembered.

She had already ripped his belt off and was tackling the buttons and zipper on his pants. He felt her shudder when he unclipped her bra while his hands roamed under the back of her dress. She put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she slipped off her wedges, her lips never leaving his. He could feel the quiver in her hands and gently pulled away from her.

He took a second to catch his breath and pulled his hands out from under her dress. "You don't have to do this, you know," he said softly.

She looked at him frustrated, "Why are you making this so difficult?" she asked.

He grabbed her still shaking hands and brought them to his lips, she closed her eyes realizing she failed in hiding her nerves. "This is why," he said.

"I just-" she started.

"I know," he said. He did know, he understood completely. She just wanted to feel normal again. She wanted to be a part of a happy, loving couple that could be intimate and not have issues. Not have instructions or worries. She needed her release. Frankly, he needed his, too.

He wasn't expecting their "first" time to be this way. He wasn't expecting Olivia to be fast and rough. He didn't mind her that way, but figured she'd want a more close and intimate experience. Something she could be relaxed during, something she could take her time enjoying.

He expected it because that was what he wanted himself. He wanted to be gentle and sweet with her. He wanted to take his time getting to know her again. If she didn't want that, it was okay with him. He could do it either way; he just wanted to be sure she felt safe whichever way they decided it would happen.

That was the problem. They weren't deciding anything. They weren't in unison. They weren't in sync with each other. She wanted it to be fast and done with, he wanted it to be slow and relaxing. If they couldn't reach common ground at some point, it was never going to work.

He rested his hands on her hips. He looked deep into her eyes, "What do you want to do?"

She took a minute to think. She knew what she wanted. She wanted him. She wanted this. The issue was she didn't know when. She thought she wanted it now, but suddenly she wasn't so sure. She felt no pressure. Sure he was half naked and aroused, but she knew that if she needed to stop here, or at any point, he would, no questions asked.

He was letting her decide. He also was giving her the time to do so. She thought about these past two days. They were absolute bliss. She hadn't thought about Lewis or the assault at all. She only thought about her and Brian and how much stronger their bond had become in these last few weeks. She remembered what Dr. Hartley had said to her, "he can help you, but he can't do it for you." If she was ever going to get better she was going to need to take the next step.

This was it, now was the time.

She looked at him, his face filled with concern. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. She ran her hands up his chest and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her hands teasing the back of his neck. He smiled into her kiss and snaked his hands up her back again. He let her take the lead. She began to pull him close to her as she walked backwards towards the bed. He unzipped the rest of her dress. Just before she let it fall off her, she broke their kiss and smiled at him.

"Love you," she said sweetly.

"Love you, too," he whispered back, brushing the hair from her face. He took a step back and helped her guide the dress and bra he previously unclipped to the floor. He watched it fall and looked at her, his eyes trailing along her long legs. He took hold of her hands and pulled her closer to him. "You're so beautiful," he whispered in her ear. His hands gently rubbed her back, "Your skin is so soft, Baby," he said lightly kissing her shoulder.

She froze. Her eyes went wide. His hands continued to make lazy circles on her back as he trailed kisses up from her shoulder to her neck. She stiffened. She knew she was with Brian, she knew she was safe, but his face came back into her mind. She felt him on top of her again. She felt his breath on her. She heard his voice again.

_She was tied to the bed. Her wrists hurt, her whole body was sore. She heard Brian make a ruckus out in the apartment. She knew Lewis was pissed, she could hear him taunting Brian. Listening to his words made her stomach do flips. She feared Brian would lose it and ruin everything._

_Lewis started to laugh, "She's great, you know. So soft, so beautiful, well, at least she was until I had her," he sighed, "Best I ever had. I'm getting hard again just thinking about it," he chuckled._

_Olivia tried hard to not throw up at the idea of Lewis taking her again. She couldn't bare the idea of him inside her again, especially with Brian there to witness it. She could hear Brian's voice calling for her. She started to cry. He wanted her and she couldn't get to him. "Liv," he called, "Liv…"_

"Liv?" he asked shaking her shoulder gently, "Liv."

She snapped out of her flashback and looked at him with tears building in her eyes. He caressed his hands up and down her arms, "You're okay," he said, "you're safe. I'm right here." He kissed her cheek and looked at her. Tears started to make their way down her face and her lips began to quiver. She brought her hand up to her mouth in hopes of hiding her pain. He reached behind him and grabbed the folded blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped her in it. She began to sob and he pulled her into him. He kissed the top of her head and rocked her gingerly.

"Shh," he said quietly, "It's okay. This doesn't have to happen now."

"I thought I was ready," she cried.

"It's only been a month, Olivia."

She looked at him. Tears stained her cheeks, "I'm sorry," her lips quivered.

"Baby," he said softly, he wiped her tears away, "don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. It'll happen when it's supposed to. At least we know that now isn't the time. It can be something for us to look forward to."

"But-" she tried.

"But nothing," he said gently, "It doesn't matter that we were flirting at the restaurant, or that your dress is off, or that I've been hard since dinner," he chuckled, earning a small smile from her. "We're not ready. We will be at some point, but until then, I can wait."

She nodded and let his words sink in. "I love you," she sniffled.

He smiled softly at her, "I love you, too."

* * *

She slept peacefully next to him. She threw on one of his old t-shirts before climbing into bed and knocking out as soon as her head hit the pillow. He lied next to her, his arm over hers, their hands laced at the fingers; her body perfectly spooned against his. He breathed in the faint scent of her perfume that still lingered on her skin. He kissed her shoulder willing his body to relax.

He knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. Not after what just took place. He watched as her stomach continued to rise and fall. She shifted and he grew nervous. Every move she made caused him anxiety. He knew the likelihood of her having a nightmare tonight would be high. It's just a matter of when. He buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.

"You've gotta sleep, man," he thought to himself, "Tomorrow's the Fourth. It's supposed to be a fun day. She's already going to feel awkward as it is, you can't add to it."

She moved in his embrace and his heart's pace quickened. He watched her for a moment before calming down again. He decided to get up and walk around for a bit, figuring that would tire him enough to sleep. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and walked out into the sunroom. The sound of the waves comforted him.

"Dad," he started, "I don't know what I'm doing." He listened as the waves continued to crash along the shore. "I just, I love her so much. She means everything to me. I can't lose her. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, like any move I make will be the last straw to break her back."

He stood up and paced around the room. Tears built up in his eyes. "I made her a promise, Dad. I told her I was going to protect her, but how can I do that if I'm constantly afraid of making the wrong move?"

He heard a shriek come from the bedroom. "No," he thought, "I knew this would happen."

He ran back into the house and down the hall. "Liv, I'm right here," he said as he burst through the bedroom door. She was sitting up in bed with her hands on either side of her face. After taking a few deeps breaths she held her arms out for Brian. He walked around to her side of the bed, sat next to her, and held her tight. He silently cursed himself for not staying in bed with her like he should have, but she made no mention of it.

"You're okay," he whispered, "I'm right here. Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "Not right now, Bri. I just want to sleep," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Okay," he whispered and kissed the side of her head. He let go of her and she lied back down. He walked around to his side of the bed and crawled in next to her. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her left arm around his waist. She noticed how much smaller he felt.

"He's definitely lost weight," she thought to herself. Not wanting to bring it up now, she cuddled deeper into him and closed her eyes. The constant, strong beat of his heart lulled her back to sleep.

Brian held her close to him and ran his fingers through her hair. His mind was in overdrive. "Of course," he thought to himself, "as _soon_ as I leave she has a nightmare. Will I ever get it right?" He continued to ponder how he was going to get everything ready for tomorrow. They weren't doing anything super special, just the parade in town in the morning, some burgers and dogs in the afternoon, and the fireworks on the beach that night. It was only the two of them, but he still wanted it to be special for her. He had a feeling she typically didn't do anything for the Fourth. He wanted this to be tradition for them.

He continued to think about him and Olivia, their past, their present situation, and what he hoped would be their future together. The hours passed as he continued to wonder. Occasionally Olivia would move or make a small noise in her slumber, which would pull him from his thoughts, but she didn't have another nightmare the rest of the night.

As the sun came through the windows, Olivia woke from her much needed deep sleep. She hugged Brian tighter and kissed his chest, her normal morning routine. She looked up at him and smiled, "Happy Fourth," she said softly, her voice still full of sleep.

"Happy Fourth," he smiled back.

Here was the beginning of what he hoped would become their tradition and he hadn't even slept a wink for it.

**I know, I know, I suck for not letting sexytime happen, but I just feel like a month is a little too soon. **

**How will their holiday go? Will Olivia address Brian's weight loss? Let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions either on here or on Twitter at Hesitant_Writer. Thanks!**


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